| Powerful Tool | | | | for judging myself as a failure. I forgive myself for |
| Self-forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools of | | | | judging myself as a reject and no good. I forgive |
| practical spirituality and spiritual psychology. I learned | | | | myself for judging myself as unworthy of a good |
| these principles in 1986 while studying for my Masters | | | | marriage." |
| degree in spiritual psychology at the University of | | | | Note: The wording is important! "I forgive myself for |
| Santa Monica, and have used them almost daily since | | | | being stupid," gives an underlying message that you |
| then with myself and with hundreds of clients. | | | | really are stupid. "I forgive myself for judging myself |
| | | | as stupid," implies an error in judgment. You want to |
| This process is not meant to excuse accountability. If | | | | release the judgment, not heap more negativity upon |
| you need to make amends, do so. | | | | your head! |
| How can you tell when you are judging yourself? | | | | Forgiveness for things that you actually did: "I forgive |
| - When you feel guilty or ashamed. | | | | myself for being angry with myself. I forgive myself |
| - When you say or think, "I should, I shouldn't, I | | | | for not asking for what I really wanted and needed. I |
| must, I have to, I ought to," etc. | | | | forgive myself for throwing darts at a picture of my |
| - When you say or think, I'm "too" anything, "I can't," | | | | ex. I forgive myself for wrecking the car while I was |
| "I'm not enough," etc. You can traces these clues in | | | | upset." To forgive myself for a mistake, I say: "I |
| your self-talk back to an "irrational belief" and related | | | | forgive myself for breaking the vase." |
| self-judgment. | | | | But if I continue to dwell on the event, or am stuck |
| - If you are upset, out of balance, stuck, immobilized, | | | | in negative emotions, I move to forgiveness of the |
| or mentally criticizing yourself . . . . | | | | value judgments. "I forgive myself for judging myself |
| When you realize you are judging yourself: | | | | as clumsy." |
| Start where you are, with whatever self-judgment | | | | In the end, your intention of self-forgiveness is |
| you identify right now, and make statements of | | | | probably more important than the exact wording. But |
| self-forgiveness as indicated below. Forgive yourself. . | | | | becoming aware of the wording can help you clarify |
| . the sooner the better, and as many times as | | | | and release confusion around your self-judgments. |
| necessary to experience a shift to much clearer, | | | | Daily practice will help you gain skill in releasing |
| lighter, more positive emotional energy. | | | | self-judgments in a profound way. |
| Examples: Forgiveness for value judgments you laid | | | | For more tips on how to practice self-forgiveness, |
| on yourself. Most self-judgments fall in this | | | | please see my article on this website, Practical |
| emotion-laden category. "I forgive myself for judging | | | | Spirituality: Tips for Self-Forgiveness. |
| myself as screwing up my marriage. I forgive myself | | | | |